Back to the Drawing Board

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Hello beauties!

I really wanted to have my post on the word “fat” up by today, but I don’t think it’s complete yet.  I won’t post it until I’m 100% happy with it.  Whenever I write an essay, I must find evidence to back up my opinion, even more so when it’s an argumentative one.

Well, other than excusing the lack of posts on my blog, I wanted to update you once again on the situation regarding my ta-tas.

After my last scare, I cut back my caffeine intake.  My 3-4 cups of coffee became 1 morning cup.  The headaches stopped eventually and I got used to the tiny portion.  I wish I could say my mug was this big:

cofee

But it wasn’t.  😦

A few days ago I felt a lump again.  It had the same cluster of grapes feeling as last time, so I didn’t get that scared.  I got me some vitamin E, just like the doctor recommended because I knew it would get painful.  I quit coffee again and I plan on keeping it that way.  Seriously, I cut my intake by more than half and I’m still having problems.  How annoying!  I love coffee too much!  Don’t suggest decaf, because I tried it and all I can say is yuck!  My breasts have gotten bigger and are hurting but not as much as the first time (thanks Vitamin E).

After making the decision to quit coffee once and for all, I came to the conclusion that I need some sort of substitute.  I usually have breakfast with coffee and a glass of water—never juice.  I’m not a tea person, so what now?  I thought about drinking healthy energy drinks like Verve.  I was a Verve brand member but after a few disagreements with my team, I quit.  They were just in it for the money and I didn’t want to be a part of some greedy group like that.

VerveBig

Their energy drink has tons of vitamins and stuff that is actually good for you, but I forgot one thing—Each can has 80 mg of caffeine.  Back to the drawing board.

I thought about Sambazon açai smoothie packs.  They’re full of yummy nutrients and healthy energy your body needs.  I first tasted it in a delicious açai bowl I got at a local coffee bar & bistro.  So many blueberries, so much tastiness.  The down side?  It costs almost $8.  Forking over 8 bucks a day adds up to lots of dollars.  I’ve purchased the smoothie packs and tried making the bowls myself but they don’t taste quite the same.  If you have a yummy recipe, please share it in the comments below!  I would love to try it!

sambazon          bowl

I’m now on a lifelong quest to find coffee replacements.  If your boobies don’t get all cranky when you drink coffee, go ahead and enjoy it as much as you can without going overboard.  I sometimes think that my excessive amounts of caffeine caused this and got to the point where I can’t ever go back without lumps popping up again.  A similar thing happened to me with nail polish.  I used to change colors each day.  I even chipped off my polish and painted my nails the same color out of boredom.  It got to a point where my fingers got all red and extremely itchy.  Apparently I touch my face a lot without noticing it because my face developed a nasty rash all over.  I now have to get gel manicures.  Yes, with the UV lamp and everything.

Life lesson: moderation is key.

Note to self: Cut back on pizza, ice cream, split ends serum, reality tv, long showers, sleep…. And anything enjoyable.

Boobs

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I hated my teenage years, but it wasn’t because of high school.  I, as a matter of fact, loved it.  I didn’t like the school at all, but the memories created in it will forever stay in my heart.  I hated them because I was stupid enough to not like the way I looked.

At first, I was one of those girls not willing to give up her sport bras because they were so comfty, but as soon as I heard the guys commenting on whoever’s boobies and how amazing they looked, I ditched my comfty friends.  I begged my mom to buy me what I called real bras.  They were usually the cheap ones that come in two packs.  You know, the ones with no bra straps after two washes.  I wore those babies and felt free until I saw whateverhernameis’s almost button popped shirt.  It was dangerous. A rapid movement could’ve popped one of those poorly sewn-on buttons, possibly blinding whoever was staring at her ta-tas.   I wanted to be dangerous like her, but my 32B puppies didn’t let me. 

Google became my worst enemy because it never explained to me how to make my breasts grow.  So… This is going to sound crazy… I put on some weight, on purpose.  Looking back, the body I had was pretty amazing.  True hourglass, my jeans were size 3, sometimes a 5 and I fit into small sized shirts.  Why did I have to be so obsessed with breasts?! 

The scale went up.  A lot.  It took me only a few months to go from 115 to 130-something.  I stuck to my poor eating habits and before I knew it, the scale was at 145 by the time I was a junior.  My hips became wider, my thighs rubbed even more against each other and my butt got bigger, making me fit only in size 11-13 jeans.  My breasts, on the other hand, got to a 36B.  Sadly, it was just four inches of back fat.  I was officially pear shaped. 

I started buying push up bras but moved on to water ones after seeing an episode of Gilmore Girls where Paris Geller says they look more natural.  My water bras got deformed in the washing machine, as well as my boobies, because I wore them that way. 

I became a college student and put on the freshman 20, not 15.  I weighed almost 170 pounds.  This time, it wasn’t on purpose.  A year passed and I got rid of 15 of those 20 pounds, but I also became highly addicted to coffee.  At first, I didn’t like the taste.  I only had it to wake up.  As time passed, I began liking the taste and a cup became two and two became three.  I was having three medium cups of coffee a day!  Even if I was about to go to bed!

Recently, I started noticing a severe discomfort when I slept in my favorite position: drown in the pillow (face down).  My breasts got extremely sore and I could barely touch them.  I forced myself to sleep face up even though it wasn’t easy.  I sometimes took a Benadryl to fall asleep in this position easier.  I thought the pain was caused by the fact that I stopped wearing a bra to sleep because oddly, they wear a little tight.  I began wearing one again.  The pain didn’t go away and a few weeks ago, while taking a shower, I felt something in both breasts, a cluster of grapes-like feeling lump on top of both of my areolas.   My tears got lost in the shower.  I was scared and I didn’t know what to do.   I felt them again, and found a pearl-like lump in my right breast.  I quickly got out and went crying to my mom, asking her to check them.  She confirmed that somethings were in there. 

A couple of mornings after my discovery, I had my morning coffee and went to the OBGYN.  After the awkward sex-related questions, she asked me to undress my top half and began feeling them.  She asked me if I had a lot of coffee or if I ate chocolate occasionally.  No to the chocolate, yes to the coffee.  She ordered me to quit drinking coffee cold turkey for a few weeks and to get some tests done.   Lastly, she asked me if I had noticed a change in size.  I said “yes.”

It seems I got what I wished for, bigger breasts.   

I still don’t know for sure if the caffeine is what caused the lumps to develop.  I’m getting my last test done tomorrow and I will find out what it is exactly that I’m feeling in them.  The pain has diminished, but the lumps are still there. 

I decided to share this with you not only to make you realize how careful you have to be when blowing out candles on your birthday, because your wish may actually come true, but because we can’t waste time hating out bodies or certain body parts—they’re the only ones we have.